The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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