Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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