I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
