WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
