just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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