I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
