I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
