8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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