I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
