how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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