help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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