Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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