theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
