I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My vagina is officially offended.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
