But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
