Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
