it wasn't lemon gatorade
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
