I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
