oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
