dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
