First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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