Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
