Ambien. No doubt about it.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
