Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
