please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
