WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
