it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
