i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish I only lived at night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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