So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
