i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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