Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
