Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
