The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
