Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the day after is always just damage control
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
