i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
