So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
