I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
