her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My brain says no but my pants say off.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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