just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
