Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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