There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
