so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
