if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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