Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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