i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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