he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
