Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
