me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
