I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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