He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
