the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
