Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You're completely useless in the revolution.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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